They are already teaching me.... even though they aren't even here yet.

What are these mysterious "things"? Dreads. Yes those lovely locks of tangled happiness.  They have been on my mind for awhile.  Well, no too awhile. When I talk to people who have takin the dread journey I ask them one question.  What have they taught you?  There answer is simple and I have yet to get a different answer.

Patients.

Patients for all different kinds of reasons, but patients none the less.  Well as I sit here writing this I wait.... patiently for my turn to dread up.  And I have to wait, first and foremost is a promise.  Secondly, what I realized in the shower yesterday was I didn't know how I wanted my journey into locks begin.  How to lock up is the main question on my mind.  I'm not sure I wanna lock up like my wife did.  Backcombing and crochet needle. That was her journey and I feel as though if I started like she did it would somehow take something away from her amazing journey.  Or that I was just following her because I already know it to be "safe" way to dread.  "Safe" as in I know it works, have seen the prof.  There are two ways I would like to lock up. First is the twist and rip method.  Where you grab some hair, twist it up, separate the top at any point and rip, ie: grab the two pieces and pull it apart. Don't let go and twist back up and rip again. Doing this until a dread forms.  The second way is to let them form by them self by washing my hair like I do ( I use Dr. Bronners soap) then rinse with a combo of apple cider vinegar and essential oils. (my fav is a mix of orange and ceaderwood :-) ) but cut out the oil and add baking soda to help dry up my hair. And don't comb. Well lets be honest I don't brush anyways! :-)

You know what I just realized. Even though I'm not dreaded up yet, my journey has already started. It stared the second I decided to do it.  I am still waiting and still deciding how to do it once I do, but its all apart of the journey in my book :-) See they are already teaching me.....

Patients

Learning More About Myself

I was on the website Iraq Vets Against the War ivaw.org so I can join their organization. While filling out the online form they asked this simple question:

Fill in a biography about yourself. Try answering the question
"Why did you join Iraq Veterans Against the War?"

I was stumped, I have not put into words exactly how I feel about the war in Iraq. So, I just started typing not knowing what thoughts would come up... just let the fingers do the typing. Here is what I wrote:

I served in Iraq 2003-2004 in the initial invasion. I've seen 1st hand the horrors our men and women go through and the horrors that we put the people of Iraq through. I have a wife and 3 wonderful boys and the horrors that I have put them through over the last 8 yrs. I know that I am not the only one. There are countless numbers of Soldiers, Airmen, Sailors, and Marines and their families who have gone through the same terror at home. All with different outcomes, with suicides and homicides tearing numerous homes apart leaving many children orphaned. All the while there are those who are profiting from the suffering of Iraqi people as well as the suffering from our men and women in uniform and our families sacrifices back at home.

Nuff said.

Sey Hey (I Love You)

This one goes out to you and yours

Worldwide

I say hey I'll be gone today

But I'll be back all around the way

It seems like everywhere I go

The more I see

The less I know

But I know (I know) one thing (one thing)

That I love you (babyy)

I love you

I love you

I love you

I've been a lot of places all around the way

I've seen a lot joy and I've seen a lot of pain

But I don't want to write a love song for the world,

I just want to write a song about a boy and a girl

Junkies on the corner always calling my name

And the kids on the corner playing ghetto games

When I saw you getting down well I hoped it was you

And when I looked into your eyes I knew it was true

I say Hey I'll be gone today

But I'll be back all around the way

It seems like everywhere I go

The more I see

The less I know

LyricsBut I know (I know) one thing (one thing)

That I love you (babyy)

I love you

I love you

I love you

Now I'm not a highly metaphysical man

But I know when the stars are aligned you can

Bump into person in the middle of the road

Look into their eyes and you suddenly know

Rocking in the dance hall moving with you

Dancing in the night in the middle of June

My momma told me don't lose you

'cause the best luck I had was you

I said Hey I'll be gone today

But I'll be back all around the way

It seems like everywhere I go

The more I see the less I know

But I know (I know) one thing (one thing)

That I love you (baby)

I love you

I love you

I love you

And I said rocking in the dance hall moving with you

I said Hey momma hey momma close to you

Rocking in the dance hall moving with you

I said hey papa, hey papa close to you

Rocking in the dance hall moving with you

I said Hey Momma, hey momma close to you

Rocking in the dance hall moving with you I said

Hey momma, hey momma, hey momma, hey momma

Hey momma, hey momma, hey momma, hey mommaaa

(what you gonna do?)

My momma told me don't lose you

Cause the best luck I had was you

And I know one thing that I love you

I said I'll be gone today

But I'll be back all around the way

It seems like everywhere I go

The more I see the less I know

I said I'll be gone today

But I'll be back all around the way

It seems like everywhere I go

The more I see the less I know

But I know (I knoww) one thing (one thing) that I love you (baby)

I love you [x3]

I love you [x3]

I love you [x3]

Man this is Work!

Well, Depression is hard freakin work. All I wanna do is be a good dad, but sadly I cant get excited, or even want to play with my kids.  It takes pretty much all I got to muster up a smile and say yes to play a game of UNO (One of my favs by the way).  But each day it get less and less.  I have to do some kind of "me" thing like: draw, read, color, or blogg.  And I have to make myself do that.  However its allows me to recharge my "Dad" batteries while draining my "me" batts.  However, it seems as my batteries dont ever get a full charge. So, I have less and less to give.  Meli has noticed and has said something to me about it.  I dont want to miss out on these days with my kids. I'll never get them back. Which makes me more depressed when I don't do something with them. Which makes it harder to play with them again. AH! Vicous freakin cycle! So, whacha gunna do? Put more effort into playing with them is what I do.  Which brings me back to the begining. Depression is hard freakin work! Vicous cycle!

Tuesday Tunes: Bob Marley - Redemption Song acustic

This is one of my favorite Bob Marley songs. It is so moving. This version is a rare one. It is longer and doesn't have the same exact lyrics as the album song does. It seems as he is doing an improv session for a bunch of friends and one of them happens to have a camera. I wrote the lyrics as he says them... or should I say: dem. :-)







Old pirates, yes, dey rob I
Sold I to the merchant ships
Minutes after dey took I
From de bottomless pit
But my hand was made strong
By de hand of de Almighty
Say, we forward in dis generation
Triumphantly

So won't you help to sing
Anuda song of freedom
Cause all I ever have
Redemption songs
Redemption songs

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery
None but ourself can free our minds
Have no fear for atomic energy
None of dem can stop da time
Cause how long shall they kill our prophets
Yes, we stand aside and look
Someone say it's just a part of it
We've got to fulfill de Book

So won't you...
Won't you help to sing
Anuda song of freedom
Cause all I ever have
Redemption songs
Redemption songs
Redemption songs

Whoa-ho
In everyday have
In every way-hey
In everyday yea
In every way

Emancipate yourselves from mental...
None but ourself can free our...
Have no fear for atomic...
None of dem can stop da...
How long shall dey kill our...
While we stand aside and-a...
Someone say it's just a...
...part of it
We've got to fulfill de book

Won't you help to sing
Anuda song of freedom
Cause all I ever have
Said it was,
Redemption songs
Redemption songs
Yeah
Redemption songs yeah
Redemption songs til-de-yeah
Redemption songs ???
Re..


Dey say old pirates, yes, dey rob I
And den de sold I to de merchant ships
Yes it was, minutes after dey took I
Guess what?!
From de bottomless pit
But-a my hand was made strong
Was-a by de hand of de Almighty
Yes we forward in dis generation
Triumphantly

Won't you help to sing
Anuda song of freedom
Yes was cause all I ever have
Redemption songs
Redemption songs
Redemption songs yeah

Emancipate yourselves whats mental slavery?
Only you can free our minds
Have no fear for atomic energy
From dem da South Africa Gold Mine
How long shall they kill our
While we stand aside and decide
Dont say it's just a part of it... Do Something!
We've got to do something

Won't you help ta even help ta sing
Anuda song of...oooh...freedom
Cause all I ever have...was
Redemption songs
Redemption songs
Redemption songs
Redemption songs
Yes...Redemption songs

No shoes for me Thanks! :-)

Well, I have decided that I am no longer going to wear shoes. And I'll tell ya what.... I really like it. Going barefoot is amazing! Its like I unlocked another sence to the world around me. It is quite amazing (& fun :-) ) to feel the world underneath me. It is quite fun to feel the different grasses and sidewalks and roads and on and on......

I came about this idea because of an musician named Michael Franti. Meli introduced me to his music a while back. And I instanlty loved it. It is so uplifting, peaceful, and gives you energy kind of music. Well, he is also barefoot. Has been for 10 years. Well, ever since I heard of this fact I have tossed around the idea. Never acutally tring it. Well, as luck would have it he played here in Milwaukee WI at Summerfest. We first met him strollin about the grounds with his fellow band mate of Spearhead. Man is he tall! Way taller than I had guessed. We eventually walked up to him and said Hi! We love your music! He talked back, very thankful for us listening. A very down to earth man. Then he went about his way to eat some roasted corn (he's vegan :-). The second time we met was he was doing an meet and greet with his fans outside of where his band was going to play. He autographed anything you wanted and took lots of pics with everyone. We came up to him and to my suprise (cause he meets so many people why would he) he remembered us! We talked more. He signed my shirt, posters for the kids, and my wife's boob. (lol! not really, he signed her shirt that was in her hand. And when she put it on later it happened to be right over her left breast... nipple level! ) anyway later on his performace was just so inspiring. He came into the crowd and danced with us. Brought people on stage to dance with him. Went on a from the heart speech about the state of our country. And on his last song he brought like 20 plus kids on stage (our 3 boys included! :-) ) and sang with them, let them sing into the mic and danced danced danced!!!! Well I decided that night that no shoes for me thanks! I wanted to feel this ultamite feeling of 1: the earth beaneath our feet. It is taken so much for granted. 2: it is a very calming feeling of being grounded. If I am on one of my spinning up mood I can just feel the ground below and just connect with mother earth and be calm. 3: Shoes are taken for granted in this country (see meli's post here) 4: the shoe makers of this country use the cheap labor of other countrys, and exploit kids, and sell them for a major mark up. So, I feel like Im telling them where they can stick there shoes! 5: its given me somthing for me. It is somthing that I wanna do and eventhough I can hear people talking and see them pointing I feel good about my decision and it gives me a huge self esteem boost. And boy do I ever need that. :-)

YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! WE WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Great News to share... My offical military disablity findings came back on Tuesday..... What is that you say? Well, it is about finaly getting what we deserve. For all the crap I have put our familiy through. Very,very,very,very,very hard fought. Dang, I see why they (military) make it so damn hard. Its all in the name of money, yes the almighty dollar. Not so that those injures while serving our country get what is "owed" to them for their (and their families) sacrafice. It seems as though they only "care" (and I use that term loosley) because they have to. They have to or the media will have a field day on their ass. And then recruting will suffer and that means less people to do their dirty work... opps I mean served and defend our great nation. You know.... thats enough negitivity. Lets just say that it isn't fair. But what they didn't know was that I had a secret weapon up my sleave.... Meli! Yes my wife. She has been by my side through it all. You see, they did try to send us off with less too. Tried to scare us into just signing our old findigs. Luckily, I did my homework but looking up regulations and by doing the one thing they must have counted on.... I acctually listened to Meli. Yes, i dropped my "ideas" and pride and just listened to her. Well with her help our apeal worked and BAM!!!!!!!!!! They upped my TBI precentage from 40% to 70% and dropped my temperary retirement status (TDRL) and made it permanite. The last one is the biggest. See if your TDRL they can call you in at anytime for "re-examination" for up to five years. And if you get better you can either have your retirement money lowered or they can send to back to active duty. So my new finding are 90% disabled with a permanite retirement. WOW!!!!! Let me tell you we are just so happy. I burst into tears up in the office when I first read it. The ladies in the office all thought it came back worse until they saw the H.U.G.E. smile on my face. Well we are stoked and now it is only a matter of weeks before we can finally say ADIOS!